eating meat again.

so i started eating fish again. and i tried duck the other night. this is after about 8 years of not eating anything of the type. no meat or fish or any stocks or bases based on meat or fish. i did eat gelatin, which is made out of horse's hooves, because it is in so many desserts, enough said. but that's that. it all started in high school when i thought i would challenge myself to not eat any hamburgers for a while and it turned out to be really easy, so then i limited myself from more and more and finally gave up tuna fish, my favorite, around age 22 along with all stocks. so that was that. i held my ground for 8 years. yup, not eating any of that. nope. just holding my ground. and so recently that all got a little boring. stagnant. and life in general just got a little boring and lame. other people stopped delivering so i started i guess. and i started with food of course. i first just tried a bite of a co-worker's tuna melt sandwich and the tuna made my teeth squeaky clean feeling and i tasted chewy on my teeth. interesting. fun. so the next day i tried a cream of wild rice with salmon. eh. alright. i don't know if i really cared for the salmon flavor all that much. it was just strong, maybe that's the word i'm looking for, i don't know but i'm still intrigued enough to explore that again. so i couple days later i tried a friend's scallop dish. yummy. fun. i liked the texture and sort of the none flavor of it. and by the way, can we talk about the none flavor for just a second here? because then i tried duck the other night. and it tasted like meat. period. it really didn't do much for me here or there. it seems really devoid of something essential. some, maybe, energy. i don't know. so that was that until tonight. i ordered a fried grouper sandwich and ate the whole thing. after a bit i got a little headache but it passed and when i was vacuuming i was alive, that vacuum didn't own me for once. and after work i had a beer and it tasted really good and now i'm really tired and maybe some of these things can be attributed to the massive fish intake or not. but i am excited to explore again tomorrow.

what just happened?

i just messed up. the day started fine, i thought, woke up early thinking too much but ended up reading about antarctica cozily until the phone rang. i had forgotten that i made an appointment to get my windshield repaired today. the woman said it was fine that i forgot so long as i got up there right quick. with coffee and toast and ipod in hand and a plan to take a cab to the mall to shop for books, i got there right quick.

"i'll just have to make a claim with progressive," she said.

sure, sounds good. then i was on the phone.

what's my address?

when did this happen?

how big is the crack in the windshield?

when did this happen?

i gave all the wrong answers. it all happened so fast and i have never made "a claim" before. so i was denied and probably flagged as a lowly person trying to lamely commit insurance fraud. this isn't me. so the lady at the glass shop, sooo accommodating by the way, gives me all the discounts possible but it is still just too much. i can't justify $200 on a windshield that has been working just fine damaged for years now. i have to pass. i tell my apologies up and down. sideways. and exit. i tell the cab driver that i won't be needing the cab because i will be leaving with my car because i don't have enough money and i say sorry and pause. he is pissed. i apologize and offer a tip as he drives away with the passenger door still open. i am in awe of how quickly everything seems to be taking place. i walk to the far curb wishing i was still in bed. i look down at my peanut butter toast and am not hungry anymore. i crumple it up in the napkin. i glance to my left. there is a woman wearing a pantsuit standing out back her workplace smoking. we exchange unspoken knowingness. my car backs out of the shop finally. the guy had to put the windshield wipers back on and stuff like that. i hold out a $20. "i'm so sorry about that. here. buy lunch for everybody." but no, he wouldn't take it. so i got back in my car and drove around a bit, not knowing really what to do or how to chalk it all up. what the fuck just happened? in the matter of an hour i embarrassed myself in front of many people at the glass place trying to make a claim, thinking i'm sounding legit but in fact probably not at all. i piss off a guy so bad he wants to run me over. and now i am probably flagged for life for this claim that i didn't really care about in the first place. i just figured it would be the "right" thing to do after all this time. yup. gonna go get that windshield fixed. yup yup.

i'm getting back in bed.