Okay, what about .....

Okay, what about those phone conversations that you're wrapping up and nobody knows quite where it ends and so it ends up the tow of you yelling at each other, "okay bye?" "Thanks for calling." "Yup, love you!" "Alright!" "Okay!" And it goes on for like 15 seconds of you both talking over each other about how much you enjoyed the convo and you'll see each other again soon and have a good day.....!

Okay, that was fucked up. I stopped at holiday in forest lake. The cashier was an asshole and threw my change at me and said have a nice night without any truth in it. Then I'm going to leave and there is this family I know. I've waited on them thru the years, they are super sweet and I got excited, even thought of getting out if my car to say hi but then I noticed what was really going on, they were making the kid drop. Yeah they're divorced or separated, I dunno but there was one family and two cars. Glad I didn't get out to say hi : )


*** this is bring written from my car immediately afterward. I would like to take time to explore this little story more/better but am typing on my phone at the moment.

Fun stuff!

Today I picked up my dress for my sister's wedding!
And paid off my car!!
And decided to up my monthly payment on my student loans :)
Yay!!!
Today feels great!

Adulthood.

What is it? Is it an age? Is it a feeling?
Are you an adult at 33 with a seasonal job who is paying the bills but not putting anything away for later? Are you an adult if you are still sort of living day to day?
When does adulthood come?
Is adulthood a privelege?
Am I the new poor?
Am I poor and just have never realized it?
Are opportunities only for the rich?
Do opportunities only come to those who already have all the opportunities?

To the Co-op in Duluth Minnesota, if you'd like.

Hi,
I visit you most days and most days it is an interesting extravaganza.
Mostly I usually feel clasterphobic.
To running into people you know, (which is great, sometimes, but sometimes you just want to grab some food at the grocery store) to having to entertain people you don't know (check out clerks that won't check you out unless you give them a smile or appease them with a story about your day......)
And now is where we get to the bitching part.
I hate that. I just want to buy these groceries and go. These groceries that are most expensive than the average groceries. Can I do that? Do you mind if I drink this coffee before I start telling you about my day? Actually, scratch that, can I just keep my day to myself? Please? Because really, all I came in for was the coffee and snack. I seriously did not show up here for you to brighten my day. In fact, I thought my day was pretty dang good until I had to diminish it's value and put it into words for you.
And if I don't just through the hoops, then I am being rude.
Fuck that.
Maybe I am just a private person.
Maybe you have to check me out (ring up my food) 50 times before I will share something. And maybe it will be worth it because by then I will have had 50 different interactions to decide what to say to you and how. By then it will be a much more personal and fulfilling experience.
So please, if you want to really get to know me, leave me alone. We will talk soon. I will be in again and you will be working again and I am sure we will have to interact again.
Ugh.
Thanks co-op, your food is great :)
Love,
Shanna

An Open Letter to the Lady at the Co-op

Hi,
I'm sorry your day and/or life isn't turning out how you thought it might. Really, sorry. That sucks. I often find myself less than satisfied with life as well. But did yelling at me make it any better? I bet it made it worse :(
I don't feel that it is necessary to be overly "nice" to everyone. That is lame and a waste of energy if you ask me. Life is short and I will treat you like a person, not a over entitled god. I saw a large cart full of groceries and nobody manning it while lines of people were waiting to check out. Am I the "really rude" one to step up and keep things flowing? How was I to know that you would appear seconds later. Maybe you were the rude one for holding up the place and jumping in line before you were ready.
I mean really lady.
Take a step back and breath a bit.
I had like 5 things in my basket. Me stepping up literally cost you like a total of a minute. Literally.
I am glad and surprised that I didn't react, I usual do. With a hurt reaction or a defensive reaction or surprised reaction. But I just looked over at you and said "what?" And you looked away. And the situation was defused. And I continued what I was doing. And you are probably still mad.
I am sorry. Really, I mean it. It sucks to feel that way and like I said before, god knows I've felt that way. Lucky me, this time it was someone else feeling like that :)
Take care, take a breath, slow down.
love,
Shanna

Here we are, August 5th. The babies have been born. It is 65 degrees out. What now?