Remember when you and I drove my van down to Austin for SXSW? And that time you were really little and there was this tub in the yard for some reason, it was a rental, and the tub was flush with the ground and full of water and you stumbled in and mom started running towards you, it was across the whole yard, and I started running too. She, bring bigger, got to you first and you were sort of gaspy for air. You had only been under water for a handful of seconds but it didn't matter, we were coming for you.
Or what about that time I thought I would set a personal goal of jumping off the swing set and landing in between the railroad tie and the propane tank, which ran parallel to each other. Yeah. I accomplished my goal you know. Too bad my face continued on into the tank tho. You, super wide eyed, were shocked; had seen the whole thing, stared in awe, couldn't believe it had happened, frozen until I put you into motion,, turned toward you with my bloody face. You ran faster than you knew you could to the house. I, disoriented, walked calmly to the house with my palm cupped under my chin catching the blood dripping thinking that was the right thing to do when in reality, it didn't matter if blood got on the grass.
This reminds me of that time in like 7th grade when all is girls gathered to watch the boys play football and when we quickly got bored we started playing that game where you make each other faint. Laura Z was supposed to catch me but apparently I swerved the opposite if obvious and bounced my head off the black top. I dreamed of "hey Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey … Hey Mickey!" And when I woke up, seconds later, everybody was gathered around looking down at me concerned. Then, like out of a sweet movie I started to get up then stopped, "what happened?"… On my bike ride home my eyes crossed and I couldn't see, I walked my bike and cried. It all worked out fine tho :)

I want to go swimming tomorrow and bring my dad to his doctor's appointment. I want to take a trip to the cities and visit a restaurant or two. I want to go to a few yoga classes and go hiking. I need to research wine a bit. I need to research jobs… and futures…
For now I will jump in the French and head up to Hartley with my IPod and camera. I will spend more time with dad and help plan Alison's bachelorette party and send a card to Calvin and meet Jason's parents and stay out of his life and get a present for Crystal's baby and put up a sign at work that asks what everybody is going to bring to the shower.

Remember camping that one time up the Knife River, we danced naked around the fire? It was a full moon in May. And that time there were so many shows to go to and we played around with the recorder and bongo and thought for a second we would start something completely different? And that time grandma died bit you were too young to understand death so I tried to set you straight on it? And when we went to that awesome music fest in Detroit and got tattoos and I was anemic at the time but didn't know? And last weekend jumping off the pontoon and driving the trackers and eating the hip patters?
That was awesome.

Job Wanted

As I look through job listings I truly realize how under qualified I am for most jobs. And I suppose most people are under qualified for most jobs, that statement is weak. What I mean is that I am under qualified for jobs that I would like to experience.
I have only ever done one job and have never aimed any further than that. It is very difficult to picture doing anything much different than I already do. I have a hard time taking anything too serious, or serious at all for that matter. (Even though I believe/know deep down that I would benefit from swallowing my everything and finding something to take serious.)
I take my relationships very serious. This may be the only thing I take serious. This may be why I have stayed in the customer service world forever: it is all relationships.
Anyway, just a couple quick thoughts, I am tired and need to go to bed. Hopefully soon I can expand and explore these ideas more.

Things inevitably change.

I talked to my dad today. I knew something was going on. I heard it in my mom's voice. She said that he took today and tomorrow off of work and she stopped there; didn't explain anything else. It is her nature to gush about everything so.... I called my dad. He is good. His job is changing. His position is being eliminated. He is 55 and has rheumatoid arthritis. He has had it since he was 30. He has had several surgeries for eliminate lumps that limit his movement. He told me this year he feels older. My mom has been helping him off the couch. She also helps him get his sweatshirt off. He can't really lift his arms up over his head.
Fortunately he has been with the company now for 28 odd years and they are giving him options that he will weigh over the next couple of weeks. He can either be demoted and go back to driving a truck. This includes heavy lifting and lots of bending at the knees not to mention being on call and possibly having to go out at anytime of the day or night. Or he can retire.
My dad says that both him and my mom have great 401ks and he also has some sort of profit sharing that would last him a handful of years. He said after a year or two or so of being retired maybe he would get a little part time job, like stocking shelves at the grocery store.
It is had for me to picture my dad stocking shelves at a grocery store. He has worked for Ferrellgas since I was 5. I never thought I would see the day where my dad is retiring. That is so weird. In so many ways I feel that my life is still starting. I guess I feel like that because I don't have kids yet but I have always thought that I would and I still think that...... It is easy to think that you are invincible. It is easy to think, "yeah, I am going to have kids some day."
Now I am just blabbing. Basically it is weird to think of my parents aging, I never think of that. I never think of myself as aging either. It is a slight shocker to suddenly realize that they may need me and I don't know how much I can be there for them.

today we realized......

Today we realized that back in the late 90's when MTV had that contest to have a new host for the show and the guy that won was a hipster, the first hipster to go main stream and it was all over from there. You know? Do you remember that? He was on tv wearing silly outfits and not really speaking in full sentences or even words and they kept the cameras on him. I remember thinking, "ha, okay, any minute they will cut to something else because obviously this guy is just ridiculous and is a liablity to the success of MTV........" (I thought something along those lines.) But they didn't. They let him run the show. He was on day in and day out just making a silly fool out of himself. This was the same time period my family got a computer and dial-up internet. This was the same time chat rooms were born. I remember choosing a chat room to go into and there were many options on different topics being discussed, however, I soon realized that the topics didn't corrospond with the rooms. I remember choosing a "music" room to chat in and entering the room and seeing the conversations going on. It was anything but music. It was kids swearing and talking shit to each other. I was really surprised. And this was another event that opened my mind to the future. In the 15 or so years since it has gotten worse and worse. (Or better and better I suppose, depending on how you look at it.) But I am watching network tv right now and it is awful. Just really terribly done. Basically this post is really rambling but what I think is that the way we communicate with each other and our values as a society has shifted drastically in a short period of time. Interesting.

what I really want

I guess what I really want is a cabin.
With a boat.
And a swing set.
Green grass.
A clean, very swim friendly lake.
Great neighbors.
Woods.
Lots of birds and animals.
Quiet.