This is an ad.

So yesterday I went to the Good Feet store. I saw the ad on tv, the guy seemed very honest and likable so I went there, we tried on some insoles and I bought some. I wore them around yesterday and by the end of the day I was looking in the mirror thinking about how pretty I am.
I have done that before.
Maybe more as a teenager, when my body and emotions were changing all the time. I think everybody does that. I would sit in front of the mirror everyday, curious about who I am and what I was becoming.
But lately, at age 33, looking in the mirror is not a practice I do often. I look in the mirror when I am brushing my teeth and blow drying my hair but that is about it and it is just very functional looking. "Is my hair okay like this?" "Is that a new zit coming in?"
But last night, and maybe it has something to do with the full moon, but I was looking into myself, discovering who I am again. It felt really good.
I am looking forward to growing into these insoles and growing into myself again.

So I find my mind wanders to the people in my life as my period and anxiety approaches. I think of everybody and how they play a role. I don't know if I always got my way when I was a child, I doubt it but in adulthood I find that if I don't get my way I am frustrated. And not only frustrated but flustered; disheveled. I am beinginng to believe that it is not me or my upbringing but something much deeper.

Shitty service/human tendencies

It is so hard to find good service. I am only picky because it is what I do on a daily basis. And when I want to go out and be waited on, I want to be waited on. I want someone to care that I just showed up. I want someone to acknowledge my presence. I want whoever is waiting on me to say "hi." I would also like them to look me in the eyes and mean it, at least a little bit.

just some thoughts.

Ruth Bader-Ginsberg, uh, yeah. Joe Biden, you are funny, aren't you! Broad, open ended statements, rrrrriiiiiiggggghhht. Also, my first grade kids today loved the books that I picked out. We had fun, we are really getting to know each other.

my apartment

So I live in an apartment. It is nice. Enough. I have lived in other apartments in the past and have loved them more. I can't help but to compare and believe that I can and should do better than this :) It's very functional in a lot of ways but it has carpet. Now don't get me wrong, I grew up in a house with carpet. Everywhere but the kitchen and bathroom. It was lovely. But when I yelled, "Goodbye Superior! I hate you!" and moved to Duluth, I encountered the hardwood floor. Oh yes, the beautiful, or not so beautiful hardwood, creaky floor. The durableness, the solidness, the homeyness, the color, the origination. Just about everything about the hardwood floor life is ideal. It is easy to clean up. It is perfect for leaving your shoes on and getting shit done. It is made of wood. Wood comes from the forest. I love the forest. I don't have that here.
On another wood note, I have lived a handful of older buildings in Duluth. Buildings with original, quirky, woodwork in them. Built in hutches and, sort of, room dividers. Soooooo yummy.
Another thing about my apartment is that there just isn't a good view. For one there aren't that many windows which isn't the best but those windows don't offer very much for the viewing audience. You see, out my front windows I can just glimpse the lake (only in winter). I have a window in the dining room that faces a brick wall. And a window in the bathroom that faces the same brick wall and then a window in the kitchen that was recently redone to have these weird glass brick that you can't see out of. So yeah, not much. Not much at all. I think it is healthy to have a window that over looks something of inspiration. That over looks a lot. That you can see for a couple of miles. Maybe that is just me but thinking back I had this growing up. I would sit in my bed at night and look out the window which faces Spirit Mountain which was/is like 12 miles away. And when I was at my cabin growing up I would regularly sit anywhere, being surrounded by nature, and stare and take it in. Here there is really none of that. I wish there was.
And finally, there is no yard. There is a little patch of grass out front and another small patch out back but nowhere anyone could call home and get cozy for an afternoon of relaxation.
So there you have it, just my top complaints about living here.
Otherwise it is pretty much fine.

A dream

Last night I had a dream that we had to bake fresh cookies for work. I should back up here, so at work, we, servers, have to make all of our own desserts which is fun and interesting, I love doing it. The other night I probably spent 20 minutes on 9 desserts and 20 minutes is an eternity in the serving world. It was perfect. The table loved everything so far (and I mean LOVED) so I was confident that they would be patient enough to wait for the desserts and they were. Anyway, I am getting off track a bit here, so sometimes when we have to make desserts they are simple but sometimes they are laborious. There could be like a dozen different little steps that need to be done for one dessert, this can be stressful. So in my dream last night, we had to bake cookies on request. The dough was all done, all we had to do was portion it out and put it on the tray and into the oven. Funny. Just the next step in difficulty. I will have to tell my boss about the dream. :)

Medicine

Pulsatilla is highly toxic, and produces cardiogenic toxins and oxytoxins which slow the heart in humans. Excess use can lead todiarrhoea, vomiting and convulsions,^[4] hypotension and coma.^[5] It has been used as a medicine by Native Americans for centuries. Blackfoot Indians used it to induce abortions and childbirth.^[4] Pulsatilla should not be taken during pregnancy nor during lactation.^[6]

Extracts of Pulsatilla have been used to treat reproductive problems such as premenstrual syndrome and epididymitis.^[6] Additional applications of plant extracts include uses as a sedative and for treating coughs.^[6] It is also used as an initial ingredient in homeopathic remedies.^[6]

^{I just took some of this, it was sort of sweet and granular and translucent. It excites me to take some thing that can cause diarrhoea and coma, don't ask me, I just like living on the edge sometimes, makes you feel alive. But yes, anyway, I went to the local naturaopath doctor today and that is what she has given me, among other things. I am excited to explore and experiment medicinally these ailments that I have had. Should be exciting.}